Everyone wants to feel loved and cherished by their family members. It’s why so many movies and TV shows turn family bonds into the heart of their storylines. People love imagining themselves surrounded by happy loved ones, but that isn’t always their reality. Sometimes it’s better to walk away. These are six ways you know it’s time to cut a toxic family member out of your life so you can find lasting peace.

Here are six ways you know it’s time to cut a toxic family member out of your life so you can find lasting peace.

1. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

Boundaries are healthy ways to establish what helps and hurts your mental health. Maintaining them teaches others how to treat you with respect and love. They might involve saying no to certain plans or avoiding discussions around specific topics that could spark arguments.

When family members don’t respect those boundaries, your relationship will fail. They should respect where you draw the line on behaviors, words or activities. Otherwise, they’re choosing themselves over your wellbeing.

2. You Dread Seeing Them

A family member sends a text and asks you to stop by for dinner in a few days. You confirm the dinner party, then start feeling uneasy. Your heart beats faster, your gut twists or dread begins to build. You worry about saying the wrong thing or what mood they’ll be in when you get there.

Dreading interactions with a particular family member means they’re likely exhibiting toxic behaviors. The dread comes from anxiety, which triggers an array of symptoms that you might mistake for being tired or overreacting. You shouldn’t expect to always have happy interactions with your family, but arguments and tension also shouldn’t cause you to dread seeing them.

3. They Appeal to People-Pleasing Instincts

Abusers thrive when they find victims who have people-pleasing instincts. They’ll use that desire to twist you into staying quiet when you’re uncomfortable or doing things you’d rather not do. They can even use that desire to make you hurt if they think you’ve done something wrong. If you can’t say no to someone, communicate openly about what isn’t working and consider focusing on healthier relationships if they’re unwilling to stop their behavior.

4. You Adjust Yourself for Them

You’d love to bring your partner home for a fun afternoon with your family, but there are one or two people who would react with bigotry and hatred. Instead, you only ever show up to family events alone. Even if you think it’s easier to avoid arguments or comments that would hurt you and your partner, it’s unhealthy to pretend that part of you doesn’t exist just to please someone.

People excuse making much more minor adjustments to keep the peace at home. You might prefer to live a vegan lifestyle, but your parents insist on serving meat every time you visit. They’d never get a plant-based protein alternative for you and they’d become angry if you bought something from home.

Sacrificing your dietary preferences or hiding part of yourself from them will keep you from living authentically and thriving alongside your family.

5. They Enjoy Gaslighting You

Gaslighting is a form of covert manipulation that’s very difficult to spot. You may only recognize it long after years of abuse deeply wounded your mental health. When mentioning a conflict and seeking a resolution, abusers typically won’t take responsibility for their actions. Attempting to rewrite what they did or make you question the situation is when their response turns into gaslight.

They could exhibit classic gaslighting behaviors by saying things like:

You’re being crazy.
That never happened.
Why are you so sensitive?
I would never hurt you on purpose.
I was just joking.

No one can repair a relationship if the other person can’t shoulder their responsibilities for why it isn’t working. That’s when you know it’s time to cut a toxic family member and start healing from your shared history.

6. You Crave Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

When a visit with a toxic family member goes well, you still need to take a deep breath after leaving their house. Your stress level is extremely high because you were so scared of navigating verbal landlines during your conversations. You could start to crave unhealthy coping mechanisms that you recently or previously stopped using to reduce anxiety.

Does meeting up with your mom, dad or sibling make you want to eat all the food in your fridge? You might desperately want to visit the closest liquor store and get drunk when they leave, even though you’ve been happily in recovery.

No one should make you want to hurt yourself with unhealthy habits or behaviors just because you feel stressed, scared, or hurt. It’s always better to cut someone off and maintain your health, even if it will hurt to leave them behind.

Reflect on these examples to take a good look at your relationships so you’ll know it’s time to cut a toxic family member out of your life.

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Learn to Recognize Toxic Family Members

Happy family relationships are fulfilling, encouraging, and rewarding. There’s nothing quite like calling your mom to celebrate a personal achievement or venting to your sibling after a breakup. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case for every household.

Reflect on these examples to take a good look at your relationships. You’ll know it’s time to cut a toxic family member out of your life if you don’t want to continue experiencing these things just to keep them around.